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L-Space Excursions
Ramblings of a Lantean Browncoat
A Few Short Outings 
13th-Sep-2007 05:26 pm
Blue Wings
Title: A Few Short Outings
Author: slybrarian
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Lorne/Sheppard, past McKay/Sheppard
Series: Dramatic Exit
Notes: Beta'd by archae_ology. 1590 words.
Summary: Five ways Lorne and Sheppard came out to someone.

1) Rodney

"What the hell?" Rodney shouted, and John winced; he really didn't need to deal with this right now. It was too late to do anything, though, because he could tell Rodney was already working up into a full-scale hissy fit. Rodney stuck a finger in John's face, and his eyes tried to focus on it. "What are you doing in his bed? Let me guess - you wanted to make sure we didn't have sex so you could keep your big gay secret, and failed miserably."

"Not like we don't do it every night we can anyways," John mumbles. His brain catches up with his mouth a few seconds later, just in time to realize how much shit he's in before Rodney managed to stop sputtering.

"What, was I not good enough for you?" John tried to get a word in edgewise, but Rodney kept going. "I see how it is. You ditch the scientist for some military boy toy."

John had the vague idea he should try to defend his boyfriend. "This started months after we broke up. Well, if you don't count the, you know." John waved vaguely around the alien village, trying to silently refer to the odder sorts of first contacts they occasionally had. "Also, he's not a boy toy. He's a highly skilled officer who, unlike some people, actually remembers dates and appreciates it when someone makes them dinner."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Are you ever going to let that drop?"

"Are you two ever going to shut up?" John turned around and saw Evan was finally awake, scowling at them and looking a little green around the gills.

"Excuse me! Trying to have a conversation here." Rodney sniffed and shook his head. "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised you fell into bed with the first over-muscled idiot to get you drunk."

"Fuck off, McKay," Evan said, rubbing his eyes. "You had your chance."

"He's probably just after you because of your gene or your position like every other floozy. I bet you didn't even see it coming." By this point, John's head was spinning so much he could barely focus on Rodney, who definitely didn't see it coming when John threw up all over his boots.

2) Teyla

Teyla could hear John shifting from foot to foot behind her, despite the gentle sound of the waves just below her. She'd come out to this isolated balcony on the east pier for her morning meditations, and had just been finishing when he'd approached. After a minute, when it was clear he was going to say nothing, she opened her eyes and said, "Good morning."

His footsteps approached and he came into view, slouching against the balcony rail. "You got a minute?"

She nodded and gestured for him to sit. "Of course, John. What do you need?"

Awkwardly he sat down across from her. "I need a favor." Teyla inclined her head and waited, and after a moment he went on, "I'm looking for a gift."

"A gift?"

"Yeah. It's a special occasion and I wanted to do something special for someone." He moved his hands in a vague manner, and continued, "You know, not just candy or a movie or something like that."

"Ah." When John failed to clarify further, Teyla could tell it was going to be the sort of unique conversation John often had when dealing with anything even remotely emotional. "Are you looking for something in particular, or would you like me to help you with ideas?"

"I was actually thinking some paints."

Teyla smiled softly, her suspicions confirmed. "I know of a marketplace where such things could be found. Tangera is a world greatly renowned for its artists and craftspeople. I had been planning to visit soon, and it would be no trouble for me to bring paints home, and perhaps some canvas as well."

"Really?" John asked, his face lighting up. "It won't be too much trouble, will it?"

"Of course not," she replied. After all, she'd been going already in order to pick up the anniversary gift (how one could have an anniversary after only half a year, Teyla neither knew nor cared to attempt to determine) that Major Lorne had commissioned.

3) Ronon

"You two fucking?"

John shrugged and nodded.


"Hurt him and die."

Evan stared at the knife quivering in the table in front of him. Carefully, he sat his fork down and looked at Ronon's retreating back.

"I think he approves," John said, while stealing the last bite of his waffle.

4) Carson

"Well, you've pulled it, all right," Carson said, stepping back from exam table and pulling off his gloves.

"No shit, doc," Evan replied.

"It could have been worse. I'll write you a prescription for painkillers and anti-inflammatories, and if you're careful you should be fine in a couple days." Carson looked to the side at John, who was pacing to the side with a guilty expression. "You two should know better than to spar without stretching first."

"Weren't sparring," John mumbled.

"Then what were you doing?" Carson looked between them as both men avoided his eyes. They'd both been sweaty when they arrived, Lorne had a number of bruises, and Sheppard was walking a bit odd. What else could they have been - wait.

"Ah. I see." Now that Carson thought about it, this certainly explained a lot. "Well then, gentlemen. You are practicing safe sex, I hope?"

5) Elizabeth

Elizabeth had long expected to have a conversation like this with John, she had to admit. What she hadn't expected was who he'd come in with, and that revelation had shocked her. It'd also made her completely furious with her military commanders.

"I can not believe that the two of you could be so irresponsible!" Elizabeth shouted, standing behind her desk with her palms pressed against the surface. John slouched further into his chair, while in contrast Lorne sat up even straighter. "Do you have any idea what the consequences would be if someone found out?"

"Oh, I don't know," John said lightly. "Dishonorable discharges, maybe time in Leavenworth, that sort of thing."

"This is not a laughing matter, Colonel. Your... relationship could put everything we're working towards at risk!"

"I agree, and if I thought it was funny, I'd be a lot more cheerful and -"

"John." At Lorne's soft word, John shut up. Elizabeth looked between them, somewhat surprised he'd done so, and her gaze settled on Lorne. "We're well aware of exactly what regs we're violating, ma'am, and the kind of impact this could have on the mission. Even if there was no official punishment, there'd be accusations of favoritism or coercion."

"We've got good people here, though," John added. "They all know us, and once the shock wore off, I don't think there'd be problems."

"That's overly optimistic and I think you know it." Elizabeth slowly sat down and folded her hands on her desk, trying to figure out a way to fix this now before it could spiral out of control. Maybe she could separate them, move Lorne to the Alpha site until they gave up on their affair. "Whether you feel it won't be a problem or not, the fact of the matter is that it's illegal, and I am ordering you to stop. I won't hesitate to reassign -"

Elizabeth stopped mid-sentence as John's entire body seemed to tense and his relaxed expression suddenly became dangerous. She knew that look well, burned into her mind years ago when John had shot Kolya, and she had seen it since then every time someone had threatened John's team or the expedition. For the first time since the two men had entered her office, she started to wonder if it perhaps she'd misread the situation.

"Ma'am, we're already violating regs. One more order isn't going to mean much," Lorne said, still completely composed, and she noted that John seemed settle down a little just like before. "If it helps, at the time we got together we weren't in the same chain of command."

Elizabeth thought back, and asked, "So this has been going on since we were on Earth, then?"

"Yes, ma'am."

John started to relax and said, "Look, you have to know we wouldn't be doing this if it was just casual. If we just wanted sex, there's plenty of safer choices. What I mean is that it's not, you know, just a fling. It's more than that, or at least it is for me. Not that I'm implying that I don't think -"

"John, shut up," Lorne interjected, his placid expression finally broken as he shot John an exasperated look. "What he's trying to say is that we're expecting this to last. That's why we thought we should do you the courtesy of letting you know, since it's bound to come out eventually."

Elizabeth sighed. She had to admit, that had been an intelligent move on Lorne's part. One smart bit in a sea of stupidity and inevitable disaster, but at least it gave her a chance to plan ahead. "I don't suppose there's any chance of me convincing you that this is a horrible mistake?"

"Oh, I know it's a horrible mistake," John say, looking over at Lorne with a goofy grin. "But hey, that's what love's all about, isn't it?"

Elizabeth just barely managed to stop herself from burying her face in her hands as she realized how utterly doomed they all were.

(Deleted comment)
14th-Sep-2007 04:47 am (UTC)
To be fair, they really are putting all sorts of things at risk, both in terms of their military command structure and potential repercussions for everyone else. She calms down, especially once she gets some asprin.
13th-Sep-2007 10:27 pm (UTC)
"Oh, I know it's a horrible mistake," John say, looking over at Lorne with a goofy grin. "But hey, that's what love's all about, isn't it?"

just like john to say something like that!
14th-Sep-2007 04:44 am (UTC)
What's a little disaster in the face of romance?
14th-Sep-2007 05:00 am (UTC)
so true!
14th-Sep-2007 01:15 am (UTC)
Nut faerie giggling now.

I love Ronon's the best. SO hilarious! Wonderfully done.
14th-Sep-2007 04:46 am (UTC)
Ronon's very straight to the point, and much better at working out his emotions in a healthy manner than John is.
14th-Sep-2007 03:28 am (UTC)
Awesome. Liz was kinda a ... how do I put this? ... Bitch. Other than that I loved it! I liked the Ronon one the best!
14th-Sep-2007 04:49 am (UTC)
Liz has pretty legitimate reasons for being bitchy, and is being fairly restrained. Unlike Don't Ask, there's plenty of good reasons why what they're doing is wrong, wrong, wrong.

I like'd writing Ronon's, too. I started with the THUNK and went from there.
14th-Sep-2007 04:32 am (UTC)
I think Teyla's was my fave because it's so sweet. With Carson's being second just because I can so totally picture the look on their faces when he asks them if they're practicing safe sex. But it'd probably be worth it for the good lube. Also, found this mistake:

You two should know better to spar without stretching first.

There should be a "than" before "to"

14th-Sep-2007 04:51 am (UTC)
Teyla's always sweet, unless you get on her bad side. Luckily, she knows John is an emotional cripple, and Lorne asked her well in advance, so she's in a good mood.

Thanks for catching that.
3rd-Sep-2008 05:31 am (UTC)
Sneaking suspicion sasy that Teyla, once Lorne asked for a 'favor', started brainsotrming ideas to help out Shep's 'favor'...
14th-Sep-2007 04:34 am (UTC)
This was the best way to start my day!!
Elizabeth just barely managed to stop herself from burying her face in her hands as she realized how utterly doomed they all were.

This just made me laugh. And Ronon's reaction. Just Brilliant.

I'd love to see the reactions of the members of the SGC or IOC. That would be amusing.
14th-Sep-2007 04:59 am (UTC)
Eventually, Liz realizes that it's probably better with this way anyways. Lorne is a moderating influence on John, whereas he and Rodney would just build into a critical mass of utter, unstoppable chaos and hijinks.

I thought about other reactions, but they didn't quite fit the same mostly-humorous theme (besides, it's five things, not seven). I can tell you that I've got those scenes planned for later fics, though. O'Neill will be finding out John's gay, at least, due to another incident. Landry has a spy on Atlantis, who he asked to keep an eye on Sheppard for suspicious activity after "The Return" - the spy's name rhymes with Porne. The IOA and Pentagon will likely find out around the same time they get a letter that will roughly read, "Dear Earth - screw you guys, we're staying here. Toodles, Atlantis."

The real interesting one will be when John is ordered by The General to bring home Evan for a family dinner.
14th-Sep-2007 10:42 pm (UTC)
Awesome. I think I love Ronon's part the best! Hah!
15th-Sep-2007 12:24 am (UTC)
Ronon loves his part as well.
15th-Sep-2007 04:39 pm (UTC)
Ronon for the win!
15th-Sep-2007 09:12 pm (UTC)
Simple, direct, and to the point.
21st-Sep-2007 11:41 am (UTC)
Brilliant. Ronon's has to be my favourite, but the whole thing's got me giggling. Much enjoyed, thanks.
26th-Nov-2007 09:53 pm (UTC) - *giggles*
These were great. I think you hit the nail on all the characters. Teyla and Ronon's reactions I liked the most.
Perhaps the best part was, "how one could have an anniversary after only half a year, Teyla neither knew nor cared to attempt to determine".
26th-Nov-2007 10:05 pm (UTC) - Re: *giggles*
Poor Teyla has long since stopped trying to figure out why Earthers are so weird, and just accepted it. Thanks for reading.
18th-Dec-2007 02:39 am (UTC)
18th-Dec-2007 03:00 am (UTC)
12th-Aug-2008 06:07 am (UTC)
lol I just noticed that Grumpy!Lorne makes an apperance in this fic, it makes me laugh that everytime you have them waking up Lornes' pissed about it.
14th-Aug-2008 05:35 pm (UTC)
Lorne isn't grumpy, he's just... um... unamused.
10th-Sep-2009 12:05 pm (UTC)
Ronons was the best. :sniggers:
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