Title: Evan Lorne's No Good, Very Bad Day
Series: Part of Dramatic Exit
, more or less
Summary: In which Major Lorne must deal with oversleeping, meetings, bad food, gun-crazy marines, and a drugged would-be starcity pilot boyfriend.
When Evan Lorne woke up, not only was he by himself, but instead of the room being dark like it should have been he's got the sun in his eyes. After a quick look at his clock he realized that he was late for a meeting with Doctor Weir and his team.
"Damnit," he hissed, throwing his legs over the side of the bed. Glaring at the clock, Evan stumbled over to the washroom, cursing as he went. "Why did he not wake me up?"
Rushing through his usually relaxed morning routines, Evan threw on the first pair of pants he found and grabbed a clean-looking t-shirt out of the laundry pile. Boots without socks quickly followed and he was off, running at full speed toward conference room B.
The meeting was an unmitigated disaster, and Evan soon found himself wandering toward the mess, thoroughly embarrassed and thoroughly chastised. By the time he finally made it through the doors, it was late in the afternoon and the lunch rush had ended. Shuffling over to where the food was usually laid out, Evan let out a frustrated whine when he saw that the only things left were a salad, some stale bread, and a bruised banana.
“This. Isn’t. Fair," he spat out at no one in particular as he swiped the banana. “I’ll wait until fucking dinner.”
Storming out of the mess hall, Evan found himself heading towards the firing range located out on the eastern pier. As he drew closer and closer to the range, it became very obvious that something was going on. There was laughter and loud voices echoing around the hall and Evan was in no mood to deal with a crowd of rowdy marines.
As the doors slid open, Evan’s eyes widened as he took in the sight of Jinto stretched out on the floor, peering at a target as he fired one of the SAWs at it with a steady grip. Taking a deep breath, Evan breathed out slowly, but he could feel his hackles rising. "Cadman, fifteen year old boys are not
allowed to fire the machine guns!"
"But sir, we got permission first," Cadman said, and the other marines nodded in agreement. Jinto spoke up and said, "Colonel Sheppard said it was a great idea! I am sure Teyla and my father do not mind at all."
Evan fought against the urge to bash his head against the nearest consol and instead turned his glare on the other marines in the room. "What are you all looking at?" He demanded. "You're all on duty right now, I know because I checked over the roster myself, so I suggest you get to your posts before Bates finds out." Turning back to Cadman, Evan crossed his arms across his chest. "Did he say machine gun, or did he say something else?"
"Well, Sheppard already taught him to fire a nine-mil," Cadman said with a shrug, "and I was thinking of showing him the P-90s, but he said it'd be cool to do the assault rifles and SAWs, too." She rubbed Jinto's head, and the boy blushed. "He's actually a pretty good shot."
Grinding his teeth together, Evan closed his eyes tightly for a moment before opening them again. "That's very nice," he ground out. "But for now, why don't you call it a day?" Evan eyed Cadman pointedly.
"Fine, fine," she said, obviously suppressing the desire to roll her eyes. "Come on, Jinto, let's clean it up. Tomorrow we can start on explosives."
"No explosives!" Evan shouted over his shoulder as he stomped back to his office. He was going to have one hell of a bone to pick with John when he found him. He stopped halfway there when he felt something change around him, and a moment later Chuck called him over the radio.
"What is it, Sergeant?" He sighed, frustrated as the normal tingling at the back of his head turned to an annoying high pitched whine.
"There's, ah, a slight situation." In the background, Evan could hear McKay yelling. "Colonel Sheppard ate something offworld that made him a bit loopy, and, ah..."
"Christ, what is he doing now?" Evan threw his hands into the air before he began to jog down the hall towards the transporter bank.
"He's in the chair room. Ronon tried to stun him, but there was a shield and then the city sorta stunned him back, and now the stardrives are powering up."
"Okay, you know what? I’ll deal with it, just keep everyone out of the room." Ducking into the transporter, Evan tapped in his destination and slumped against the wall, waiting for the doors to open once more. It was a short walk to the chair room, and when he got there he saw John stretched out in it. He had a goofy grin on his face, which grew when he spotted Evan.
"Hey! Evan! Buddy!"
"John, what are you doing?" Evan groaned, watching as the chair spun around lazily.
"Spinning. It's kinda fun."
"Yes, I’m sure it is." Nodding slowly, Evan made his way further into the room. "Now why don't you get out of the chair and come with me. We can go get something to eat from the mess."
"Naw, I just ate," John said lazily. "Besides, City and I want to fly."
"John, you're high, you're not going to fly the city so get out of the chair."
"I can fly fine." John said indignantly.
“No, you can’t.”
"Yes, I can." John frowned, and then smiled again. "Drives will be ready in a few seconds, and then I'll show you that I can fly just fine."
"John, get out of the damn chair." Evan willed Atlantis to listen to him over John, just once, and all he got back was an electronic raspberry.
"Oh, come on! City says it's perfectly safe. Can't we just take a spin around the moon?" John shifted in his seat and closed his eyes as the city started to hum.
"I said no, Dr. Weir will say no, McKay will say no, so no. Just come on, John." Evan gazed around furtively to make sure they were alone before leaning forward. "If you come with me now I’ll make it worth your while." His voice held a pleading note.
John opened his eyes again. "Well... can I try in the morning?"
"Sure," Evan lied. "In the morning, but right now, come with me, and I promise you'll forget all about the chair."
"Cool." John all but leapt from the chair, nearly face planting but managing to save himself by latching onto Evan. He giggled, and then started to run down the hall, dragging Evan along behind him. As he was being pulled along, Evan could only hope that John would pass out the second he hit the bed or else he was in for one hell of a night.